Hiking Forward Break

Funny story. I wrote a blog last week about our trip to Lucky Monkey in Altamonte…then I got so busy I forgot to post it! What an idiot. I’ll put it up next week. This week I took a break and wrote a blog post for Hiking Forward. Enjoy it here and comeback next week for Lucky Monkey post and the gif of the century.

Hiking Forward

As always, listen to my podcast at

Florida Is Sinking or follow me on Twitter @jeremyisfunny.

Taking the Hobbits to Disney: Part 2



Leland and Brooke both just passed the height requirement.

When we last left the adventure we had taken the much needed lunch break. The sun had began to crest leaving our heroes to bask in the then warmed 43 degrees of comfort. Actually, come to think of it, it felt like if I spilled my soda it would instantly turn to ice. I threw it at Leland to test my theory. It did not. Back on the trail we saddled up and made a detour to Belle’s story time. I hoping to high five Gaston. He’s got the right wing ideology the world is missin’. “A rustic hunting lodge. My latest kill roasting on the fire. And my little wife, massaging my feet.” That’s what I’m talking about! Anywho, the story time adventure was probably the greatest thing we did at Disney. It’s an intimate retelling of Belle and the Beast’s story. They shuffle you into a room and all the kids, not to mention a few adults, get a part. Then off to the next room where Lumiere tells the story and Belle interacts. I’m not bragging but I played a pretty good palace guard while Liam, true to form, was the handsomest linen closet this side of France. Leland you ask? In a moment of pure typecasting he was selected to be the Beast. Lucky sucker got to dance with Belle and everything.

I almost turned into the Beast two hours later when we stood in line for an hour, fifty nine minutes, and 47 seconds to ride Goofy’s Barnstormer. By the time I put my hands in the air on the first drop they were popping the lap harness and asking me to leave. I know it’s a kids ride but the entirety of the track took up maybe 14 cubic feet…put up two! We did the Dumbo ride before hand which had the ingenious before thought to build a play ground and hand you a reservation beeper to hold while you wait. It’s like waiting to be seated at Chili’s but instead of getting Queso dip and an El Presidente at the end you get to to fly on the back of an disfigured Elephant. Welcome to the party. After this we shot over to America Land or whatever they call it and watched an awesome parade. Nobody but me wanted to see the Hall of Presidents and when you’re outnumbered 11 to 1 it’s a fair chance you’re gonna lose. Excuse me for wanting to see the brave men and wom…uh, men who built this country! We went on It’s A Small World because it’s tradition and caught Peter Pan via fastpass, special thanks to the Watson’s for avoiding the 45 minute wait to see black light/trippy version of the classic children’s book.


He’s shy now, but wait until he realizes how good looking he is. Then he’ll be fightin’ princess off with a stick.

     At this time dark had set in and Thunder Mountain Railroad was shrouded in darkness…still couldn’t fool Liam though and he opted out. But not Leland, fastpass to the front and when it was over he begged to ride again. Just a friend reminder that he is 4 years old. After this it seems that by all accounts will shoot through life with wreckless abandon chasing the metaphorical dragon. Pirates of the Caribbean was closed all day. Total bummer. We walked past it and caught the firework show that was fantastic. What are fireworks supposed to represent? Oh yeah! The fire fight that those revolutionary freedom fighters endured to secure our God given rights as they battled tyranny and oppression! BUT WHY PAY RESPECTS WHEN THE LINE FOR THE TEA CUPS IS ONLY 10 MINUTES LONG!” #HalllofPresidents4eva. I’m just sayin’.

After Thunder Mountain the little kids started chanting ‘Mine Train! Mine Train! Mine Train!’ With Liam participating but not really knowing what he was chanting for. So we parlayed that into slipping on the ride he told me all day he refused to ride. In the dark he was distracted. It wasn’t until we got within 20 of the entrance that it sunk in for him. He’d been bamboozled. “What! I said I didn’t want to do this ride?!” I brushed it off, “Pshhh! It’s nothing. Nothing especially COMPARED TO THE HARSH TRIALS OUR FOUNDING FA”….you get the idea. We forced him onto it and when we went to get off he wasn’t there and we haven’t seen him since. At least that’s what he thought would happen. He didn’t enjoy it but he didn’t flip out. However, Leland was so pumped that half an hour later when we got on the monorail to go home he thought we were going on another and was genuinely shocked when we got to the car. We have 2 more trips there left. I’m sure I’ll have more adventures to report on.

Taking the Hobbits to Disney: Part 1


Shenanigans outside the Dumbo ride.

A few Saturdays back  we loaded up the family truckster and headed on our pilgrimage to see a mouse. We bought the 3 day pass. Four family members, 3 tickets to any Disney theme park to be used within 6 months, under $800. We’ll take it. So Disney (and when I say Disney I mean specifically the Magic Kingdom) was open from 9am-12am. That’s right, 15 hours of family fun at the happiest place on Earth…in 39′ degree weather? You bet your sweet monorail. Side note, how did you travel to get from the parking lot to Disney growing up? Monorail or Ferry? Which ever you choose says a lot about you fyi. Show of hands for who rode the ferry. Okay, now if you rode the monorail. Hello? Oh, all the monorail people are already at the park going on Space Mountain for the third time. Got it (Truth be told, I’m now a fan of the ferry. It was a nice sweet ride with plenty of space to chill…don’t tell my wife though. And no she doesn’t read these so I’m in the clear). So, Me, Brit, Liam, Leland, Brooke, Rick, Marilyn, Beth, Dan, Aasen, Maddi, Ella. That’s right, 12 family members, 3 child strollers, 78 layers of clothes. Did I mention Disney World is the only dry park on the face of the Earth? Leland was the lone kid that had yet to go to Disney World so for him it’s a big day. It was also Maddi’s birthday so the excitement was nothing short of full blown Christmas morning. Upon entering the gates we dropped a total of $128 at the Starbucks. And true to form, the wait in the line was over 45 minutes. Leland met Pluto though so score one for him…


37 minutes in line to pet the polyester dog. I can’t deny the kid’s smile though.

The first ‘ride’ we went on was Lilo and Stitch. If someone offers you the chance to ride this or sweep up puke from the Tea Cups, the choice is easily the Tea Cups. Mostly because I remember what the Lilo and Stitch ride used to be, Alien Encounters (read this story about it’s intensity). It was scarier than you wife telling you she thinks she’s pregnant when you’ve been out of town for 3 months. Anywho, in comparison, there is none because Alien Encounter was awesome. But I’m sure my 4 and 6 year old would have peed the bed every night for the rest of their lives had they went on Alien Encounter instead so all is fair. The People Mover dazzled Leland because it well…moved. Then we met Buzz Lightyear and hit up the cars. There’s a ride that needs an update. Disney owns the Cars movie franchise and I still have to slam back in forth with my 6 years old in a diesel Geo Metro?! After that ride the kids were a little sleepy likely from the exhaust poisoning they suffered on the car ride and we broke for lunch. I’d like to point out that at this point it was noon and we hadn’t left Tomorrow Land yet. And even more miraculously we had not endured a single melt down. Hint for those that don’t know, Disney World is the only park I know of that allows you to bring your own food and drinks (non alcoholic of course. That’s why they sell the fake sunscreen bottles at Spencer’s at the mall). So we packed our food and drinks. When we eventually had dinner that night it cost $40. I’m no rocket doctor but that means we saved $40 at lunchtime. When lunch was over we made our way to Fantasy Land where all the kids, and creepy adults without kids, get the most kicks. This is the moment where Liam first saw Snow Whites Mine Train roller coaster. He looked at it, paused then said, “I do not want to go on that ride.” He uttered the mantra  every time we passed the ride from that point on. We’ll see how that works out…to be continued.


You See Me Rollin’


Do you know what is America’s number 1 selling car? No, it’s not Ford, or Toyota or Audi (thank God). It’s for kids. Not Hot Wheels. It’s actually COZY COUPE, the red plastic devil that my mom bought for my boys about 5 years ago. And, they still play with it today. Yes, we have a Wii Infinity 3.0 (but who’s bragging), any ball you can imagine, 1 bike, 2 scooters and a full blown JEEP Power Wheel, which may be the most life like toy we’ve ever owned…because it’s always breaking down. ZINGER! All that to say the most dependable car currently in the LaCorte household sits on 4 plastic wheels. It’s basically a tank. The first music video I ever made with Liam stars the COZY COUPE(I’ll post it at the end). And it makes an appearance in our SABOTAGE! video of course. I’m not bragging I’m just saying that whatever it costs, we got our monies worth. Not just in the fact that they play with it but because they didn’t die from using it yet.
We live on a sloped driveway which is great for down hill speed. If the COUPE has a flaw, it’s that the steering wheel is just for show. The newest feature to the car is really cool but deceptively dangerous. If you had one of these growing up you remember the bottom had no floor. This meant you were in serious danger of having a foot yanked below and flipping you like a Fast and Furious movie stunt. The new COUPEs got you covered. If you flip the car on it’s back they have a little plastic piece that slides in and out of the floor board. Then you can put your feet on this piece and the dude or dudette pushing you in the car has no speed limit. In our case, it was eventually the older brother with incredibly balance pushing the fearless 4 year old. Our driveway slopes and actually ends in a 6 inch tall curb that redirects rainwater to our lake. Leland, the boy that will eventually break some bone some day, jumped in the COUPE Dukes of Hazard style and let the gravity propel him towards the yard. He quickly realized that his trajectory had sent him careening towards the curb. What does he do? He can’t jam his feet down because the blocker is up. He can’t jump out because the door is locked. Yes they lock. It’s a little piece of plastic but it’s firm when you’re in a panic. Also, Leland is a hoarder. Not in the TV show sense but like this: if he has any space between his fingers, he slides a toy in. He does this to the point that he is holding 10-15 toys at any moment and won’t drop them if it meant saving the world.

     I’m at the top of the driveway when Leland let’s out the first scream. It’s filled with joy as the steep decline rockets him into a freedom he has yet to experience in life. Then the turn. Not surprisingly, the alignment on the COZY COUPE is not top quality because…well…the wheels are basically the same as a shopping cart. I can tell that the direction he is headed is the curb and a few thoughts run through my head: 1) Can I make it there in time? Absolutely 2) Is there a chance he misses the curb completely and ends up in the grass safely and happily? Not likely. 3) What’s the worst that could happen? So I go old school dad and say, “Let it ride.” In hindsight, and by hindsight I mean when I told my wife the story later and she almost stabbed me with a butter knife, I probably should have stopped it. But from a manly standpoint it was 100% the right move. Anywho, Leland is shooting down the concrete like the Jamaican Bobsled. He makes impact with the curb full force and…the car flips into the air. Leland shoots out the front and the car continues rotating landing on its hood. It should be noted that Leland hasn’t dropped a single toy. I run over because I need to make sure he knows the story I made up in-case he’s really hurt. I throw the plastic car aside because you know, a parent can do that sort of thing if their kid is in danger. When the fire and dust was blown away by breeze I look and saw to my surprise…no Leland. He was already on his feet and moving again. Score one for us. That kid is indestructible no matter what the Earth throws at his handsome face.

If you like my dadsarerad posts you’ll love my podcast. It’s me and my buddy joking on Florida. The craziest state in the union. Also, follow me on twitter @jeremyisfunny.


Since You’ve Been Gone


Toasty and our new cat George Washington

I went on a trip this past weekend for training with my job. It was my first full weekend away (not just an overnight for stand up) and it was tough. Having some J-Money time to myself was pretty sweet though. I was, to my knowledge, the only person of the 78 in training who didn’t have a roommate. I was also the oldest and had the least interest in staying up until sunrise rise. Not that I frown upon that. Whatever gets you through the 60 hour a week job. It’s just not my thing. It was completely different and welcoming to have that time to myself. It reminded me of the time I spent in college. Having the evening with nothing to do but what I want to do. If I’m being honest with myself it was awesome. I played on my computer, read a book (the Revenant…spoiler alert, the main character, Hugh Glass, went on to win a Golden Globe for his survival) went out for a few drinks at a piano bar and sang a little Montell Jordan. That is how I do it. I was glad to be home but being away from my boys on a trip is much different from having them away from the house. I’ve had that happen much more often.

Every time my wife takes the kids somewhere for a few days, which is very rare, I inevitably hear, “Wow. Bachelor pad huh?!” People, specifically men, think my days are filled with beer fueled debauchery and shenanigans. Beer fueled? Maybe. Shenanigans? Hardly. The truth of the matter is when my wife leaves for a long weekend I feel much more like a recently divorced man than a swinging bachelor. First of all, the house is full of my family pictures. I wonder the halls touching their faces through the glass like a prison inmate. The pictures  make me smile on day one and cry by day three. Their beds are still made with their stuffed animals (unlike if I were divorced. The room would have been turned into a weight room). Do I pick up ‘Toasty’ the polar bear and hug him like Leland does on occasion? Maybe, it’s none of your business! Sometime during their absence I’m walking around Wal-mart with a wedding ring on but no wife to help me decide what type of milk to buy. I’m buying groceries for my kids late night after work during the week wearing a loose tie and a frown. It looks like I’m stocking up before their court mandated visit. When I get home I unload the groceries.  I don’t plop down on my modern faux leather couch and catch the championship game while I bro out and smash beer cans on my head. I will likely have my usual one beer and fall asleep by halftime. I don’t know about other dads but my true problem is options. Example: If my family will be gone for let’s say one evening. How about a block of 4 hours? I spend the day thinking of all the things I can possibly do while they are gone: Play my guitar, finish reading a book, blog, start a new TV series (I’ve heard Black Sails is good), podcast, watch a movie I didn’t get to see in the theater etc. You get the idea. Here’s what actually happens: I wash dishes or do some form of cleaning. This is crucial. If you block a serious half an hour to this you end up with at worst a mildly angry wife. After that I think how I only have 3.5 hours to myself and watching a movie would eat up too much of that time. Then I think, if I play my guitar it will take about 45 minutes. And just in case I change my mind and want to watch a movie, I better not do that because I won’t have any time at all. I justify not reading because, ‘hey I can do that anytime’ even if at work on my break. So I watch one episode of House Hunters just to be doing something while I decide what to do. Then I watch another one and before long the family is home and I’ve done nothing that I planned to do. So, in a sense, maybe I am like a bachelor again.

If you enjoy my blogs listen to me on my podcast: Florida Is Sinking. My buddy and I talk everything Florida. The craziest state in the Union and the one we call home. It is available on itunes, sticher and at Floridaissinking.com. Follow me on Twitter @FLissinking and @jeremyisfunny.

Santa’s Secret Shop

Liam came home two weeks before Christmas with a school flyer that said, ‘Santa’s Secret Shop’. If you don’t remember this I apologize for your lackluster childhood. The Elementary School I attended in Deltona…currently carrying an F rating (I like to think it was all downhill after I left) had it, and it was fantastic. It’s a room they convert into a gift shop that sells trinkets such as little glass dolphins. Students bring their money and wind around the little tables selecting items on their own to be given out as gifts on the day of the Lord’s birth. Mind you, I’m not saying the presents themselves will turn heads. The majority of gifts are comparable in quality to a McDonald’s Happy Meal toy. But, the explanation behind the purchase is truly priceless. Not that I wouldn’t trade my ‘#1 Dad’ trophy for a new computer, I would, that’s just a mark up that I couldn’t pass up. It’s the explanation behind the gift that is an instant memory creation.

I don’t remember much of the gifts I gave. In fact, sorry mom and dad, but I don’t remember any of them. I’m sure they would though because I will never forget what Liam gave me this year (Teaser, I’ll get back to that). I do remember my brother or sister getting me a statue of an eagle. I bet you didn’t know I was so patriotic! Well take that terrorism! I have an eagle on my desk. I remember receiving a necklace of some kind and…that’s it really. I gave Liam $20 to spend on his mother, brother, grandparent’s etc. When I handed him the money and told him what to do with it he was so excited. It was the first thing he mentioned the next day when he woke up. I realized quickly that that is the reason to do it. It gives him the opportunity to buy things for others. The giving that makes him proud of what he did for them. He bought his brother a Mine Craft rubber duck and his mother a heart key chain with the word ‘imagine’ carved into a purple heart stone. He bought it for her because it is the Color Purple which is my wife’s favorite movie. I kid, I’ve never seen it and have no idea what it is about. If Oprah Winfrey is in it though, and it actual was my wife’s favorite movie, I wouldn’t be married to her. FYI – her favorite movie is BRAVEHEART so yeah…I made the right choice. Liam saw the heart, saw the color, and boom. He bought a gift that brought momma to the verge of tears. Here is my present as it sits in the tree:

IMG_5220 (1)

I took a picture of it because the words on the paper squeezed my heart until all the love fell out. My son had bought me his first gift actually from him. Father’s Day my wife really does it right. She has the boys sign a card…and they sit and play video games while I open the gifts she bought for me. But such was not the case here. I asked him, “Did you get this for daddy?” and he smiled then stopped what he was doing and watched me open the gift. It was a #1 Dad mini trophy. I don’t know what the qualifications were, but I’m sure some people forgot to turn in their entries because I KNOW better dads than me. However…BOOYAH LOSERS! I’m the #1 Dad in these here parts. He got me a key chain that said the same too. Then there was the gift I will think of fondly forever, my son bought me a blue whistle. He bought it blue because it’s my favorite color. He bought the whistle itself because he said, “You can use it when you coach my team”.

I’m sure I’ll buy some cool gifts in the future. And I’m sure I’ll receive some expensive ones. Preferably a jetpack when they are invented. When I’m laying on my death bed in the year 2101 after living to the ripe old age of 120 years old, I’m sure I’ll have forgotten most of everything that has happened to me. Including that time Scarlet Johansson hit on me and I had to tell her to ‘back off I’m married!’ It hasn’t happened yet but I’m sure it will. When I’m reflecting on the years I’ve had I highly doubt I’ll remember the cool computers or tablets or whatever else I received. But, if I forgot that blue whistle…I might as well be dead already…That sounded a little darker than I meant it to sound.

PS – This weekend a fantastic local business called FUNky Fit is hosting an event at the Sperling Sports Complex this Saturday at 4pm. It’s for kids ages 4-10. They kids how to be active in a fun way. It doesn’t end like you kids baseball game in which the parents have a fist fight in the stands.

Baby It’s Humid Outside


Christmas has come and gone. But the blistery breeze of the 72’ temperature as it rolls off the flat land and through the still green pine trees will continue until Summer. This Christmas saw a record breaking heat that we haven’t felt since last year. It’s funny, I feel that every year we break some record for heat. I’m not a lover of Florida as a state by any means but my disdain for the melanoma state is magnified in Summer and ‘Summer 2’, known on the calendar as winter. Something about wearing sandals on Christmas Day puts a bad taste in my mouth. I used to be a teacher and I never felt like more of a fraud then when I tried to explain seasons to these kids. I myself didn’t see snow until the age of sixteen. Side note, we have an attraction called ‘ICE’ held each years at the Gaylord Palms. This simulates what type of life you would have if your parent’s had chosen to raise you in a state where a breeze wasn’t 89 degrees. Where my family lives in Illinois, they have ‘indoor water parks’ that run during the winter that looks like our water parks. It’s the, pardon the pun, polar opposite to us. But, there are a few advantages to never seeing a change in the season. And they are…

Getting to watch your kids ride their bike or play with outdoor toys on Christmas day. This one didn’t hit me until recently but think about how crappy having that bike would be if it couldn’t be ridden? How awful would that basketball be if could only be bounced in the house? How much trouble would your kids be in if they couldn’t shoot cans outside with their new BB gun but instead had to shoot them out of their father’s hand while he wept for his lost childhood as another year slipped through his fingers and father time gained another few feet on the marathon of life?! Plus, I know my kids. They can’t throw a baseball worth a flip but I’m sure every time I stepped out the door they’d find their range and I’d catch a snow ball in the face.


Moving from one place to another is easier. I am fortunate enough to have both my parents and my in-laws still married. So we only split our time between three places: Our run down 800 square foot shack in Debary when we wake up. Then my parent’s house in the morn’ until lunch. Lastly, the in-laws early afternoon until bedtime. I love catching a few minutes of a Christmas Story every year on the TV. That scene where Ralphie’s mother dresses him and his brother up for school is very funny. But as a parent, I look at it differently. I lose my patience when I can’t strap one shoe on fast enough. If I had to bundle them up every time we stepped foot outside of the house I’d never leave.


So 2 out of 1,000 aint bad. Well…that’s not true at all. And I’m sure there are a billion people living up north that would trade spots with me in an instant if it meant not shoveling that white stuff that falls from the sky off of their driveways. What is that stuff all about? It’s like cold sand from the sky? It doesn’t even make sense. The only thing that falls from the sky down here is rain and hail. Oh, and tree limbs and plastic flamingos during hurricane season. I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…but it’s just a dream.

All Kidding Aside

Have you ever heard of Chet Haze? He is Tom Hanks’ son. Well, to be exact, he’s the alias of Tom Hanks’ son. Tom Hanks in my opinion, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks this, is the greatest actor of my generation. I love him on film, in interviews, as a guest on TV shows. He delivers every time I see him. However, he’s part of list of men in Hollywood that have at least one thing in common: They are divorced with children. Everyone has a story and blended families are fantastic! This is not a finger wagging story but a story of realization so stay with me. Tom Hanks, Tom Cruise, Jim Carrey, David Spade, Brian Regan, Michael Jordan, Shaq, basically 1.9 of every 2 NBA players, the list of the dudes I watched and respected growing up that have this in common is surreal. But one guy who is not on the list actually made me realize my daily purpose.

Steve Martin’s book, Born Standing Up, is my favorite book. I’m a Christian so if we ever play ‘Desert Island’ and you ask me what 5 books I would bring I’m supposed to say the Bible. But that’s not a book, it’s much more so I’m ruling it out. Born Standing Up is my favorite book. If you are creative and wonder what could have been had you followed your dream and only your dream in life, stop reading this now and start reading that book (come back when you’re done). If you are a stand-up comic it should be on your book shelf. If you don’t have a book shelf, build one and put it on there. The first time I read the book I read it twice in 1 week then got the audio book and listened to it the next week. As a comic, it hit me particularly hard because I could relate to the crummy clubs, the shows for no people and eventually the 10,000 seat shows and screaming fans…well, scale that down to 200 hundred and the fans are screaming for Richard Lewis and you have my experience. This book to me was what I could have been if I had followed the dream I had had since childhood.

When I was in the seventh grade I was on Legends of the Hidden Temple. Be still ladies. When the host described me late in the show (spoiler alert I made it to the Temple) he said, “This is Jeremy. He likes to play basketball and wants to be a stand-up comedian’. I knew that’s what I wanted. Then I found my dream girl and fell in love, suddenly making people laugh moved down my list to become the second most important thing in my life. By the time I had my Liam and Leland it had moved way down the priority list. I read that book and it rejuvenated me my drive to perform with vigor again. My mind switched. Not so much that I came home and said, “Honey, I quit my job to follow my dream of becoming a stand-up comic! Where’s dinner?” But, I was determined to make it a dominating hobby again. I started a youtube channel and did what I love to do which is poke fun at the news and post it weekly. I also booked 4 weekends of comedy for the upcoming 3 months. I work a job that provides the same work life balance as the American Sniper had so this was a serious commitment. My youtube (this is my current one but you can find the other one here too) channel lasted 2 episodes and my comedy shows, while always fun to do for me, put a strain on the home life and completely diminished the little time I had with my boys. It wasn’t going to work out that way. Then the idea for this blog began brewing. The idea of my importance to this world changed. Enter, Chet Haze. Read More

Sea World Is Still Awesome


Goofing off in the winter wonderland of Florida. Notice the jeans. It must be December!

                I work with a woman that won’t go to Sea World because of how they treat the Orcas. I know others feel that way, but every organization sucks at times and Sea World does waaaayyyy more  good than harm. But I don’t want to get too political. My feeling is if Free Willy didn’t get them to set the whales free ain’t nothin’ gonna. Plus I have a special place in my heart for Sea World. I have this great memory of my parents sitting me down one day before school and saying, “Jeremy, you’re not going to school today. We are taking you to Sea World.” In hindsight I should have went to school. I eventually failed the 7th grade twice. Kidding, I never failed a single grade and that’s a big deal because I went to school when teachers were actually allowed to fail students for not doing their work. I’m serious, there was a time when kids failed when they deserved it. Any who, we had a Dudes Day on Saturday when I took the Hobbits to Sea World for their Christmas celebration and a’ celebrate we did.


They have a whole section called Christmas Town. They break out the toy trains and little villages. I counted 5 trains and different leveled tracks that wrapped around the oak trees strewn with lights. They had several activities for kids that included penguins (cut outs not actual animals) you could dress up and elves doing arts and crafts. You got to respect an elf that still wears the leggings in 80 degree weather. They put those green stockings on one leg at time just like everyone of us. In the middle of Christmas town was a stage where carolers performed and big fire pit to gather around. They sold cider, cocoa, turkey legs…maybe they were reindeer legs. It would have probably been more accurate but definitely inappropriate. “It’s gonna be hard to ‘Dash’ with three legs. You should have let Rudolph play in the games. You know he has a temper”.

We then caught the ice skating show Winter Wonderland on Ice. Arriving 45 minutes early we still sat in the nosebleeds. But they had acapella singers and sweet music with fireworks that went with the beat for the performance. And, they had over 100 Christmas trees that whose lights were timed in as well. When I took out my binoculars, mostly used for peering through my neighbors windows at night, the ice skaters were top notch. I’m not well versed in the intricacies of ice skating but here’s what went down: One guy did a backflip, several chicks spun in incredibly fast circles. One dude help a girl up with just his one hand! And later, he spun her like a shot put. He held her feet with her head alarmingly close to the ice. Everyone gasped and I thought a great finale would have been to just toss her in the pond. Who would see that coming?! By this time it was 8:15 which is an hour past my kids bedtime and an hour before mine. However, we had to hit one last ride, the Polar Express Experience. They had the train which showed a 10 minute version of the movie and at the end down the hallway, across from the Beluga whales stood the man himself Chris Cringle.

Leland asked to go home because he was tired so we made our way out. But Liam, God bless him, remembered what I had said 9 hours earlier when I told him where we were going. He said in a sad voice oozing disappointment, “Aaaaahhhh you said we’d see snow. We didn’t see any snow.” He was right. I had told him they have snow flurries somewhere in the park. While we walked I checked the map but it wasn’t clear on the location. I noticed it got slightly cooler as we proceeded. I checked my watch, 8:27pm. The map said the flurries happened at 8:30. I looked up and sure enough, I saw the little machines. I told them I was tired and needed to sit until it started. When it did, the whirl of machine parts shooting out shards of ice that didn’t quiet have the feel of a Colorado sleigh ride but they ate it up, literally…



     Boom! Take that other dads that lie to their kids and aren’t saved by God’s grace. Daddy said snow, daddy gave you snow. Overall experience was awesome considering it’s included in the price of our ticket. Not kidding. This year I spent $150 total for 5 Sea World tickets (when you are done spitting your coffee out in shock finish reading). I promise you it is true. Everyone under 5 years old was free this year. My wife is a teacher, free, my pass was buy one get one free. I love me some Disney but they will grab your ankles and shake you upside down until your last penny hits Main Street. Or you’ll take a day off of work and stroll to the ticket counter only to find out your there on a blackout date. There are zero blackout dates at Sea World.  It has been incredible and I think we are buying tickets again next year. And when we do, daddy’s bringing sexy and snow back.


PS – Teaser…I just had the logo for dadsarerad.com completed! It will be posted soon when I share the story of why I started dadsarerad. Until then, keep building your legacy dads.